My Journey Through Miscarriage: Alex Webber
1 in 7 women experience miscarriage. To be honest, when I was asked to write this post for Southeastern, every part of me felt unworthy of writing on this topic. Though I have recently experienced a miscarriage and it was the hardest thing I have ever experienced, I know that so many have experienced such greater loss. Multiple miscarriages, long term struggles with fertility, carrying a baby with a chronic disease, and the loss of a baby after delivery. While I cannot and do not wish to speak for those women, I can share with you my story in hopes that you can better relate and understand women who have experienced a miscarriage, that you would see the redeeming work of God in my loss, and that if you are that woman who has walked through a miscarriage, that you would know you are not alone.
Miscarriage; some are humbled by it, others are unaffected or unaware of it’s sting. For so long, it has been such a hush-hush topic. Some believing the lie that not talking about it or pretending like it never happened would somehow lessen the grief that follows. It happens at different stages for every woman, some may have never even known they were pregnant, some are left calling loved ones and “un-telling” their exciting news, and it even leaves some returning precious items they once bought for their baby’s nursery.
No matter how far along you were or how long you knew about the life inside of your womb, any pregnancy that ends without a baby to hold in your arms is worth grieving over. Often in the Christian world, when we face heartache and grief, we are told, “God is Sovereign,” like that truth is a piece of tape that will somehow keep your gaping wound closed. And while God’s sovereignty is undeniably true, that truth does not make your grief invalid. Through my miscarriage, while I believed that God had a plan and that He was in control, I still felt grief and deep sadness. Do not think that your grief must be hidden behind a strong faith. Your grief is valid. Your grief is expected. And your grief is necessary in God refining you.
Once I was able to put to rest the conflicting thoughts in my head of “God is Sovereign” but “Why would he do this,” I was then able to truly grieve. The grieving process was absolutely necessary for me. In the grief is where the Lord spoke. He met me in my grief. He met me right there on my kitchen floor. In my deep sadness and temporary loss of hope, He gracefully reminded me that putting my hope in anything or anyone but him would always leave me feeling this empty. He gently reminded me of my great and desperate need for Him. Comforting me in my inability to be anything, especially a mother, without the touch of His hand.
Now this grief I am speaking of, I haven’t seen it to have an expiration date. It has been about 2 ½ months since I miscarried and I continue to have moments, even days where my heart simply hurts. I struggle with feeling the pressure from others that I’m “milking it,” as if I’m a second grade boy trying to miss school for the third day in a row over a toothache. The enemy feeds me lies that “I should be over it by now,” or that “my friends are tired of hearing about it.” I struggle to walk into a room full of mothers. My eyes sting and my throat throbs every time I see a baby announcement with a June due date. My heart sinks every time I even think someone is going to ask me when we plan to have children. I don’t think this “miscarriage chapter” of my life will ever be fully closed and put away – and I don’t think God intends for it to be. I trust God will always use this in my story for His glory.
To those who have walked this road of miscarriage, I pray that you are encouraged in the fact that you are not alone. I pray you allow yourself to truly grieve, whatever that may look like. I pray God would give you strength to reflect on your loss but to also give you hope and faith in looking forward to what is to come.